Trauma, Tea, and the Dumbass Hand That Can’t Spell

Trauma doesn’t always kick the door in screaming.
Sometimes it just strolls in like,

“Yep, I live here now. Nice nervous system. Shame if something… dysregulated it.”

And you’re like,
Aren’t you supposed to be gone?
Didn’t I do yoga, cry in a bathtub, and sage my goddamn shower curtain??

Trauma:
lol no babe, I signed a lease.

Cute. Infuriating. Love that for us.

So instead of pacing around your brain like a detective in a crime show —
clipboard, cigarette, haunting soundtrack —

Try this:
Write with the hand that has the IQ of a potato and absolutely no emotional filter.

The hand that is like:

“Fuck grammar, I have FEELINGS and ZERO FINE MOTOR SKILLS.”

EMDR: Emotional Exorcism But Make It Science

EMDR = moving your eyes left-right like you’re watching your trauma play ping-pong with your sanity.

The therapist says:

“Follow my fingers.”

And your brain goes,

“Holy shit, are we… processing?!”

Suddenly that memory that used to feel like a knife feels like a dull butter knife wrapped in a sock.
Not gone.
Just… defanged.

Like your brain finally took a breath and let your shoulders drop their shoulders.

10/10 recommend.
We love a neurological reset button.

Left-Hand Writing: Goblin Mode Inner Child Hotline

Now, pick up a pen with the dumb hand.
The one that’s been chilling for decades like
“I thought I was here for vibes and rings?? Why am I working???”

You start writing and it looks like you’re:

• Drunk

• Five

• Or possessed by a raccoon with emotional baggage

But then it hits.
It’s raw. It’s messy.
It’s like your inner child swallowed truth serum and a Monster energy drink.

Your dominant hand is a LinkedIn post.
Your non-dominant hand is a diary entry written in eyeliner in the back of an Uber at midnight.

One hand performs.
The other goes:

“Hey bitch, we have unprocessed FEELINGS and also we want mac & cheese.”

Honestly?
Relatable.

EMDR vs. Left-Hand Chaos (Scientific Table, Kinda)

EMDRLeft-Hand Writing

Clinical, structured, professional

Feral, chaotic, powered by spite and curiosity Therapist guides your brain gently

Your goblin hand drags you into emotional Narnia

“Let’s safely access memory storage”

“SURPRISE BITCH, HERE’S SOME FEELINGS”R

Receipts in peer-reviewed journals

Receipts in chicken-scratch cryptic 1runes

Same goal:
Stop letting your trauma run the group chat.

Try This, You Beautiful Disaster

Prompt 1:
Dominant hand: “How am I?”
Gremlin hand: “TIRED. ANGRY. HUNGRY. I NEED A HUG AND MAYBE A CROWBAR.”

Prompt 2:
Draw your mood.
If it looks like a potato having an existential crisis?
Perfect.

Prompt 3:
Ask the dumb hand:
“What do you need?”
Hand replies:

“Snack. Nap. Boundaries. Maybe set fire to something metaphorically?”

The wisdom is there.
Just… chaotic.

Tonight’s Ritual (AKA Goblin Hour)

Later — after overthinking, after doomscrolling, after fantasizing about buying land and raising weird goats —

Grab a pen with the wrong hand.
Write one messy, unhinged, beautiful sentence.

Let it look like shit.
Let it be honest.
Let it feel like opening a window inside your ribcage.

You’re not trying to become a better person.
You’re trying to become a truer one.

And if your handwriting looks like a cryptic warning found in a haunted cabin?

Congratulations, you’re doing emotional witchcraft.

Also, hydrate.
And eat something.
Healing burns calories or whatever.